Friday, July 11, 2008
Paxton gets a tablet
I haven't slept for 72 hours. It's only been 3 short days but I'm already in love. That's right this Wednesday I received my brand-new kick-ass Gateway c-142xl tablet pc just in time to revitalize Austin and my fallen-to-the-wayside side project (The main project is our band who's way too indie for you to know about). My writing hand is cramped from endless hours of Sim City 4 and modern masterpieces; the hard drive filling to the brim. My fiancee even posed naked for one piece in attempt to get me to notice her more than the computer (She CLAIMS to be my my REAL lover har har har). This is good news for you (the readers) too, as you can expect new (and improved) comics updated (more) frequently.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Modern Music: The Inverse Relationship Between How Good a Band is and How Seriously They Take Themselves
A for-the-most-part-under-researched and informally-written dissertation on what's wrong with some of those darn kid musicians today.
I've noticed a very strong inverse relationship between how good a band is and how seriously they take themselves. This article will consist of a brief clarification of terms, an X-Y graph featuring some of my picks, and an explanation for why I placed the bands/artists where I placed them.
For the purposes of understanding my intention, two terms need to be elucidated before we can begin: "good" and "how seriously they take themselves". Obviously, these are both subjective terms, and people are bound to disagree, especially when it comes to "good".
I'm defining "good" music as "that which does not suck", a term I'm stealing from an old web-coworker of mine, jon from the owl and the bear. Again, with such a non-specific yardstick against which I am measuring "good", there is bound to be some controversy. That's fine; I am only talking about my opinions; I don't expect you to agree with everything I'm saying. Paxton even disagrees with some of these rankings, so please don't take it as a personal attack if I rank your favorite band low on the quality ladder.
As for "take themselves seriously", I'm pretty much talking about their sense of humor about themselves and their music and image. When it all comes down to it, most bands are in the music business to make money and have sex with ladies as beautiful as those I've only seen in JPEG format. When they try to pull artistic expression into it, as thought they actually had something to say worth saying, people (like me) have to make fun of them. If they can't laugh at the ridiculousness of their act when it's out of its own context, they take themselves too seriously. That's it. Also, being huge dicks to other bands, other band members, members of the press (who don't deserve to be ridiculed), or fans loses you points in this category.
So, let's take a look at the graph (click to enlarge):
I kept my selections as modern as possible because I think past musical generations required more showmanship, leading to off-the-wall musical acts (like Queen, Led Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd) that were also fucking awesome (like Queen Led Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd). For some reason, modern equivalent bands have not maintained that level of awesomeness when remaining over-the-top, so the only way to be fucking awesome is to also be as honest as possible, and have a sense of humor about your band.
Now, the Explanations:
Radiohead: (2, 10): Radiohead lost points for being dicks to most of the press (alright, Thom Yorke lost points for it), but at least they are good to each other and to their fans (maybe you heard about the way In Rainbows was distributed?). Besides, they've pretty much cleaned up their act as far as the press is concerned; most of their condescension was during the OK Computer and Kid A periods. As for a sense of humor, they're traditionally very serious about their work (and rightly so), but this recent interview and some of the footage shown on this video (especially the end, with the narrator) leads me to believe they've lightened up some.
Wilco: (1, 9): Up there with Radiohead on my list of currently-active favorite bands is Wilco. I'm not as enthusiastic about their latest, Sky Blue Sky, as I am about their previous work, so they get a 9, but they're still amazing. As for seriousness, Jeff Tweedy is pretty cool about criticism, and they don't really have an "image" as a band, certainly not one crafted for marketing purposes.
Andrew Bird: (2, 9): Andrew Bird is another favorite of mine, he loses points for kicking his shoe off at a show, hitting a girl in the face (at least according to an old version of Bird's Wikipedia page).
Animal Collective: (1, 8): The fact that this new feature is named after a lyric in Animal Collective's "Banshee Beat" should let you know how much I enjoy Animal Collective. From record to record, their sound has changed more than any other band I can name, leading to some controversy between the band and fans, some of which may feel deserted or betrayed by the changing sound. Lesser bands may have a "This is our new sound and if you don't like it, don't bother me" attitude, but Animal Collective has been supportive of such fans, taking care to perform older songs at most sets. They're also fairly apathetic about file-sharing, viewing it as a way to get more fans more easily, rather than a tool for people to steal from them.
Modest Mouse (We Were Dead version): (6, 4): Let me get one thing straight: This is a Long Drive for Someone With Nothing to Think About and The Lonesome Crowded West are masterpieces. The Moon & Antarctica is very good. Good News For People Who Love Bad News is a good album. We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank is a shitty album. It just is. Isaac Brock spent a good fifty minutes screaming (ostensibly about sailors or something), trying to convince me that he was as ironic and insightful as he was five years ago, but I ain't buyin' it. He's trying too hard, taking it too seriously. I'm not saying I could make a better album, I'm saying he could make a better album. How do I know? I have four of them.
The Redwalls: (7, 3): Also known as "that band that sound vaguely like The Beatles in the AT&T commercial that's not Oasis," The Redwalls started out as a Beatles cover band, and have evolved into a band that plays songs that sound like Beatles songs that they pretend they've written. Their main problem is that they write 2:30 minute pop songs of decent quality and then pad them out into 4:30 by repeating ad nauseum. They're also pretty big dicks, faking British accents on stage occasionally even though they're from Deerfield, IL and complaining about how few people show up to a secret show in Champaign.
Ryan Adams: (9, 2): And then there's Ryan Adams. I like his early, solo, folk-country work before his first album (check Archive.org for those shows), before his ego kicked in. But then it kicked pretty hard, and he takes himself way too seriously. He had the bad fortune to have a very similar name to the guy who did "Summer of '69", and the further bad fortune to strike out on his own at about the same time as that guy, but he's definitely overreacted to the understandable confusion. Apparently, he keeps money in his pocket when he takes the stage, so he can personally refund the ticket price of anyone who shouts out "Summer of '69" and boot them from the venue. He also has been known to smoke several cigarettes per show, on stage mind you (as a singer), and spend as much as half of a show talking as opposed to playing his songs--which all sound the same anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
Fall Out Boy: (9, 1): I'm not even going to elaborate on this one, just look at this:
To quote GOB Bluth, "COME ON!"
Bright Eyes: (10, 1): Now, the mother (father?) of all dicks: Conor Oberst. Christ Almighty, I can't even begin to describe how much of an asshole this person is. I saw Bright Eyes in Champaign, and was mortified by his behavior at least ten, fifteen times in the course of the hour-and-a-half show. Granted, I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning is a damn good album, and Cassadaga isn't all bad, but Conor Oberst is such a huge douche that it makes you forget you like his music when you watch him perform. Feigning shyness, shameless eye-flirting with the girls in the front row, lowered voice to elicit sympathy, and spitting: it's like a smorgasbord of douche. This could be a category, actually, with Nickleback (everyone's making fun of them, I thought I should join in), My Chemical Romance, Kanye West (sorry, Paxton), and pretty much everyone working in mainstream hip-hop today.
So, lesson learned: If you want to impress me, don't take yourself too seriously, and just present your best material in a straightforward fashion with as few unecessary frills as possible. It weighs down your work and draws (my) attention to the fact that you just have shitty music to present in the first place. Don't polish a turd, keep it minimal.
I've noticed a very strong inverse relationship between how good a band is and how seriously they take themselves. This article will consist of a brief clarification of terms, an X-Y graph featuring some of my picks, and an explanation for why I placed the bands/artists where I placed them.
For the purposes of understanding my intention, two terms need to be elucidated before we can begin: "good" and "how seriously they take themselves". Obviously, these are both subjective terms, and people are bound to disagree, especially when it comes to "good".
I'm defining "good" music as "that which does not suck", a term I'm stealing from an old web-coworker of mine, jon from the owl and the bear. Again, with such a non-specific yardstick against which I am measuring "good", there is bound to be some controversy. That's fine; I am only talking about my opinions; I don't expect you to agree with everything I'm saying. Paxton even disagrees with some of these rankings, so please don't take it as a personal attack if I rank your favorite band low on the quality ladder.
As for "take themselves seriously", I'm pretty much talking about their sense of humor about themselves and their music and image. When it all comes down to it, most bands are in the music business to make money and have sex with ladies as beautiful as those I've only seen in JPEG format. When they try to pull artistic expression into it, as thought they actually had something to say worth saying, people (like me) have to make fun of them. If they can't laugh at the ridiculousness of their act when it's out of its own context, they take themselves too seriously. That's it. Also, being huge dicks to other bands, other band members, members of the press (who don't deserve to be ridiculed), or fans loses you points in this category.
So, let's take a look at the graph (click to enlarge):
I kept my selections as modern as possible because I think past musical generations required more showmanship, leading to off-the-wall musical acts (like Queen, Led Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd) that were also fucking awesome (like Queen Led Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd). For some reason, modern equivalent bands have not maintained that level of awesomeness when remaining over-the-top, so the only way to be fucking awesome is to also be as honest as possible, and have a sense of humor about your band.Now, the Explanations:
Radiohead: (2, 10): Radiohead lost points for being dicks to most of the press (alright, Thom Yorke lost points for it), but at least they are good to each other and to their fans (maybe you heard about the way In Rainbows was distributed?). Besides, they've pretty much cleaned up their act as far as the press is concerned; most of their condescension was during the OK Computer and Kid A periods. As for a sense of humor, they're traditionally very serious about their work (and rightly so), but this recent interview and some of the footage shown on this video (especially the end, with the narrator) leads me to believe they've lightened up some.
Wilco: (1, 9): Up there with Radiohead on my list of currently-active favorite bands is Wilco. I'm not as enthusiastic about their latest, Sky Blue Sky, as I am about their previous work, so they get a 9, but they're still amazing. As for seriousness, Jeff Tweedy is pretty cool about criticism, and they don't really have an "image" as a band, certainly not one crafted for marketing purposes.
Andrew Bird: (2, 9): Andrew Bird is another favorite of mine, he loses points for kicking his shoe off at a show, hitting a girl in the face (at least according to an old version of Bird's Wikipedia page).
Animal Collective: (1, 8): The fact that this new feature is named after a lyric in Animal Collective's "Banshee Beat" should let you know how much I enjoy Animal Collective. From record to record, their sound has changed more than any other band I can name, leading to some controversy between the band and fans, some of which may feel deserted or betrayed by the changing sound. Lesser bands may have a "This is our new sound and if you don't like it, don't bother me" attitude, but Animal Collective has been supportive of such fans, taking care to perform older songs at most sets. They're also fairly apathetic about file-sharing, viewing it as a way to get more fans more easily, rather than a tool for people to steal from them.
Modest Mouse (We Were Dead version): (6, 4): Let me get one thing straight: This is a Long Drive for Someone With Nothing to Think About and The Lonesome Crowded West are masterpieces. The Moon & Antarctica is very good. Good News For People Who Love Bad News is a good album. We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank is a shitty album. It just is. Isaac Brock spent a good fifty minutes screaming (ostensibly about sailors or something), trying to convince me that he was as ironic and insightful as he was five years ago, but I ain't buyin' it. He's trying too hard, taking it too seriously. I'm not saying I could make a better album, I'm saying he could make a better album. How do I know? I have four of them.
The Redwalls: (7, 3): Also known as "that band that sound vaguely like The Beatles in the AT&T commercial that's not Oasis," The Redwalls started out as a Beatles cover band, and have evolved into a band that plays songs that sound like Beatles songs that they pretend they've written. Their main problem is that they write 2:30 minute pop songs of decent quality and then pad them out into 4:30 by repeating ad nauseum. They're also pretty big dicks, faking British accents on stage occasionally even though they're from Deerfield, IL and complaining about how few people show up to a secret show in Champaign.
Ryan Adams: (9, 2): And then there's Ryan Adams. I like his early, solo, folk-country work before his first album (check Archive.org for those shows), before his ego kicked in. But then it kicked pretty hard, and he takes himself way too seriously. He had the bad fortune to have a very similar name to the guy who did "Summer of '69", and the further bad fortune to strike out on his own at about the same time as that guy, but he's definitely overreacted to the understandable confusion. Apparently, he keeps money in his pocket when he takes the stage, so he can personally refund the ticket price of anyone who shouts out "Summer of '69" and boot them from the venue. He also has been known to smoke several cigarettes per show, on stage mind you (as a singer), and spend as much as half of a show talking as opposed to playing his songs--which all sound the same anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
Fall Out Boy: (9, 1): I'm not even going to elaborate on this one, just look at this:
To quote GOB Bluth, "COME ON!"Bright Eyes: (10, 1): Now, the mother (father?) of all dicks: Conor Oberst. Christ Almighty, I can't even begin to describe how much of an asshole this person is. I saw Bright Eyes in Champaign, and was mortified by his behavior at least ten, fifteen times in the course of the hour-and-a-half show. Granted, I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning is a damn good album, and Cassadaga isn't all bad, but Conor Oberst is such a huge douche that it makes you forget you like his music when you watch him perform. Feigning shyness, shameless eye-flirting with the girls in the front row, lowered voice to elicit sympathy, and spitting: it's like a smorgasbord of douche. This could be a category, actually, with Nickleback (everyone's making fun of them, I thought I should join in), My Chemical Romance, Kanye West (sorry, Paxton), and pretty much everyone working in mainstream hip-hop today.
So, lesson learned: If you want to impress me, don't take yourself too seriously, and just present your best material in a straightforward fashion with as few unecessary frills as possible. It weighs down your work and draws (my) attention to the fact that you just have shitty music to present in the first place. Don't polish a turd, keep it minimal.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
New Feature: The Feeling Store
I'm proud to introduce a new feature here at 2:45 AM Comics: the Feeling Store. It's basically a medium for me to write about something I like or don't like. To give you an idea of the subject matter and tone I intend to use with this new column, I might retroactively classify my old letter to Yoko Ono as being part of the Feeling Store, but I haven't made up my mind. I'm working on tomorrow's debut piece, titled "Modern Music: The Inverse Relationship Between How Good a Band is and How Seriously They Take Themselves."
Posting will start tomorrow and continue indefinitely and with absolutely no regularity whatsoever, so check back often. In fact, you had better just quit your browser and reload the page right now and check to see if it was posted while you were reading this. Are you back? Did it work? No? Well, keep trying that.
Posting will start tomorrow and continue indefinitely and with absolutely no regularity whatsoever, so check back often. In fact, you had better just quit your browser and reload the page right now and check to see if it was posted while you were reading this. Are you back? Did it work? No? Well, keep trying that.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
What Astronauts do when the cameras turn off...
On behalf of all of us at 2:45 AM Comics (That is Austin and I) I'd like to apologize for our (my) absenteeism, expect to find our page regularly updated again. You see, it seems that almost a month ago a small black hole appeared in my bedroom. After a failed attempt to make love with said hole I arrived in a scary parallel universe inhabited only by pop stars and Muppets. A month later I've returned with a joke about homosexual astronauts; enjoy.
austin edit: So that's where you've been! This is pretty good for a Paxton-written post. Anything with my two favorite things (astronauts and gay sex in a vacuum) is fine by me.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Blank Comic
So I've been experimenting with several different techniques drawing techniques, and I'm very excited with a lot of what I've been coming up with. Here's what I'm most enthusiastic about; Paxton thinks it's indulgent but I think it's the best thing we've ever done. As a matter of fact, it's my new background. Enjoy!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Indiana: Lincoln lived here too...
We are very proud to announce our new project to make fun of all 50 states. Our ultimate goal will be to get every state to secede from the union, but we'll settle for making Sufjan Stevens cry.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Get it?! American Aquarium Drinker! (Finals Week Comics Vol. 1)
Hey, it's early May, which can only mean one thing: FINALS WEEK! That's right, those of us too smart to prepare for final exams before the very last minute but stupid enough to actually go to an American college get to lose sleep and weight the fast, stressful way while fighting temptation to say, "forget it" and waste time trying to actually make a good webcomic. So, in honor of this very special occasion, we have a whole week of subpar cartoons slapped together as quickly as possible. Enjoy today's Wilco reference!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Revolutionary Pigeon Starts A Revolution
This comic was inspired by a joke by Bill Hicks. Thanks for the laughs, Bill!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
John Cleese's Obama Speech.
British comedian John Cleese, most famous for his work with Monty Python, has endorsed Senator Barack Obama for President of the United States, and stated that he would like to write speeches for Obama. This really only has one outcome:
I have to say, it's a step up.
I have to say, it's a step up.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Your Monthly Either/Or
In case you think this is made up, check it out. Divided by Highway 74, these two towns were unfortunately named considering their proximity.2009-02-08 – Goddammit, failblog.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
An Open Letter To Yoko Ono
Dear Yoko Ono Lennon,
First of all, thank you for repeatedly writing to Mark David Chapman's parole board to keep him in prison. The day he is released, I will probably drop whatever I am doing and find him to introduce him to the ground. The resulting arrest and possible prison time for assault would ruin my future, so thank you for preventing me from screwing up my life.
You should also know that, unlike quite a few other Beatles fans, I do not blame you in any way for the dissolution of the group. It's stellar that four amazingly talented minds were able to control their egos and continue working together as long as they did, and it's certainly not your fault that the greatest of them happened to meet and fall in love with you.
I'm also very forgiving about the Acoustic release. Yes, 75% of the songs included had already been released years earlier on the John Lennon Anthology box set, and some were even on the Wonsaponatime best-of compilation of that box set, but there were a few new gems in the Acoustic compilation, and putting the chord changes in the lyrics was nothing short of generous.
Hell, I'll even overlook your "performance" at Pitchfork Music Festival last year. Your off-key whale singing was a pretty okay alternative to Girl Talk's over-crowded and poorly-planned set, so that was cool.
But the one thing that I cannot excuse is the fact that you had John cremated. I understand the spiritual reasons for it, and can sympathize, but, in cremating John, you forever eliminated the possibility of him coming back to life in a Christ-like fashion. I mean, come on, how hard is it to just put the man in the ground and hope for the best?
I ask because there is a festival in San Francisco coming up this summer called San Francisco's Outside Land's Music & Arts Festival that has literally the best lineup I have ever seen. Radiohead, Wilco, Beck, Andrew Bird, Devendra Banhart, Rodrigo y Gabriella, and M. Ward. How could it possibly be any better? Well, I can think of one way. Take a look:
Does that not look cool? That is the only way that festival could possibly be any better, and thanks to you, it's not going to happen. I just find it incredibly irresponsible that you would ruin this potential miracle for all of John's loyal fans. I just wish you had thought of a messiah-like reanimation when you made the arrangements for his cremation.
-A
First of all, thank you for repeatedly writing to Mark David Chapman's parole board to keep him in prison. The day he is released, I will probably drop whatever I am doing and find him to introduce him to the ground. The resulting arrest and possible prison time for assault would ruin my future, so thank you for preventing me from screwing up my life.
You should also know that, unlike quite a few other Beatles fans, I do not blame you in any way for the dissolution of the group. It's stellar that four amazingly talented minds were able to control their egos and continue working together as long as they did, and it's certainly not your fault that the greatest of them happened to meet and fall in love with you.
I'm also very forgiving about the Acoustic release. Yes, 75% of the songs included had already been released years earlier on the John Lennon Anthology box set, and some were even on the Wonsaponatime best-of compilation of that box set, but there were a few new gems in the Acoustic compilation, and putting the chord changes in the lyrics was nothing short of generous.
Hell, I'll even overlook your "performance" at Pitchfork Music Festival last year. Your off-key whale singing was a pretty okay alternative to Girl Talk's over-crowded and poorly-planned set, so that was cool.
But the one thing that I cannot excuse is the fact that you had John cremated. I understand the spiritual reasons for it, and can sympathize, but, in cremating John, you forever eliminated the possibility of him coming back to life in a Christ-like fashion. I mean, come on, how hard is it to just put the man in the ground and hope for the best?
I ask because there is a festival in San Francisco coming up this summer called San Francisco's Outside Land's Music & Arts Festival that has literally the best lineup I have ever seen. Radiohead, Wilco, Beck, Andrew Bird, Devendra Banhart, Rodrigo y Gabriella, and M. Ward. How could it possibly be any better? Well, I can think of one way. Take a look:
Does that not look cool? That is the only way that festival could possibly be any better, and thanks to you, it's not going to happen. I just find it incredibly irresponsible that you would ruin this potential miracle for all of John's loyal fans. I just wish you had thought of a messiah-like reanimation when you made the arrangements for his cremation.-A
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Making No. 1 On Google
Hello, welcome to 2:45 AM Comics! This is the first post from 2:45 AM Comics with our new site, so we here at 2:45 AM Comics thought it would be appropriate to make a welcome post (to 2:45 AM Comics). As at the previous incarnation of 2:45 AM Comics, it is our goal to present a series of humorous images loosely presented as comics, hence the word "comics" in the name "2:45 AM Comics." We at 2:45 AM Comics hope that every visitor to 2:45 AM Comics enjoys the material on 2:45 AM Comics and stays a while. Come back to 2:45 AM Comics tomorrow for a new entry in the 2:45 AM Comics archive!
If that doesn't make us the first result in a Google search for 2:45 AM Comics, I give up.
If that doesn't make us the first result in a Google search for 2:45 AM Comics, I give up.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
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